A comment piece in reaction to the hate and love against Romania in the British press, published in Romanian on contributors.ro
If you believe The Daily Mail, all Romanians are benefit frauds, pickpockets and secret millionaires of a specific minority and Romania is a country of mud-huts, sick horses, starving dogs and gated palaces of gold-plated window-frames and weather-cocks, built on the theft from hardworking British families.
But if you believe the The Guardian, all Romanians are gorgeous students destined to be UN Secretary General or Apple CEO and their country is an unspoilt paradise of rolling hills, organic farmers and playful bears.
However the truth is Romanians are just people are like people everywhere. They are great and they suck.
At the risk of attracting contempt for being prejudiced and simplistic, here is what I like and don’t like about Romanians.
LIKE
Openness: As a journalist in Romania, you call someone up, and they will talk to you. Even if they hate you and you hate them. Everyone wants to talk. Everyone has an opinion. In the UK, people will put the phone down on you. In Romania, people answer the phone even when they speaking at a podium in a conference or while they are giving birth. They rarely say anything of much significance, but they sure are friendly. One problem is that politicians talk too much. They spend all day talking to reporters and all evening talking on chat shows. Don’t these Ministers have jobs? Don’t these people have sex? As a journalist, I can’t believe I am giving this advice to Romanian politicians, but please, please, please stop talking to journalists.
DON’T LIKE
Sexism: Why is it that when Romanian men walk into a crowded room, they shake all the hands of the other men, but avoid physical contact with the women? Do they see the women when they enter the room? Are these men woman-blind? If a woman in the public eye takes time on her appearance, she is labelled a “whore”, but if she chooses not to, she is a “tramp”. Men are judged on what they say, women on how they look – it’s pathetic. Most Romanian women I speak to hate Feminism. But this country need Feminism like it needs working traffic lights and free and fair elections.
LIKE
Grudge-free. I have friends and family in the UK whom I have not spoken to for ten years over a small argument some drunken evening, the reason for which I cannot remember. But here in Romania, you can have a shout at your friends, girlfriend, boyfriend and colleagues, with a preposterous level of personal abuse and the next day, no one cares. The past is a joke. No one holds a grudge.
DON’T LIKE
Deadlines: Why can’t Romanians stick to deadlines? When I edited a magazine in Romania, we set three deadlines for receiving material back from interviewees – in chronological order – the deadline we asked for, the deadline we hoped for and, finally, the deadline we expected. There’s a reason it’s called a deadline. It’s about to expire.
LIKE
Ingenuity: Give a German a lighter, he will see a piece of plastic, a barrel, a flint and a small amount of petrol. Give a Russian a lighter, he will see a bunch of ingredients that can help him get high. Give a Romanian a lighter and he can take it apart and reconstruct it into a generator that heats a small farm.
DON’T LIKE
Victims: In Romania, everyone suffers, but no one is guilty. The Prime Minister speaks of being a victim of the President, the President a victim of the Prime Minister. Everyone else in Romania believes they are a victim of the fact that the President and the Prime Minister can’t agree who is the victim and who is the culprit.
LIKE
Enterprising. Romanians want to know how to succeed. They have a list of ten steps to achieve success. They stick to them. Fulfil them. Where there is a strict framework for delivery, they work brilliantly. Not like the English, who are always trying to think outside of the box. This is fine. But most of the time, the box is there for a reason. Up against an ambitious Romanian, no one has a chance.
DON’T LIKE
Too enterprising: Everyone wants to be a boss, but no one wants to collaborate. On the upside, you have a nation of entrepreneurs. Everyone has a small business. But because they find it hard to work subordinate to other people, few make money and when they continue to not make money, they don’t close their business. They let it live on in a coma. Romanians are great at starting a business, not so good at running one.
LIKE
Honesty: A Romanian female friend in Southampton told me: ‘What is it with Englishmen? They tell me they love me and two weeks later, they leave me.’ ‘It’s because they are only after sex,’ I said. ‘No,’ she answered, ‘they tell me they love me after sex. But still they leave me. Doesn’t love mean anything to them?’ Romanians are honest with their feelings. They take feelings seriously. The British will show their true feelings when they are drunk and steal them back when sober. The Brits tend to be straight in business, but unscrupulous with emotions. It’s the reverse for Romanians.
DON’T LIKE
Sick: Whenever I tell a Romanian that I have a cold, their first response is “Why?” Why am I sick? I am sick because I am sick. No, they imply, there must be a reason for your sickness. You must have done something wrong. Worn the wrong clothes. Touched the wrong person. Eaten the wrong food. You are guilty of illness.
LIKE
Positive. This may sound strange to Romanians, but since coming here, I have found people are always positive. If you suggest starting a new venture, they will says yes to collaborating (I am aware this contradicts a previous statement). The venture may be popular, admired and innovative, the only downside being – it probably won’t make money. Nevertheless, people have an uncynical attitude to building a modern nation. Romania is the country that likes to say yes.
Michael Bird Writer & Journalist 
Wtf. Sexism. We dont shake hands with females because the old romanian belief that shaking a girls hands friendzones you harder than going clothes shopping with her.
i don’t agree either with the comment or with this part of the article. in romania women are respected, guys still open doors for us and give us the seat in the bus (compared to what i am seeing now in other places), and the interaction in public with girls- in the example you gave in the article, i think is more because of a certain old fashion view, not because women are not appreciated, or they are appreciated only by their appearance. but yes, the appearance is very important for us (and i actually think is a sign of common sense to take care of your aspect) and girls do take care (some maybe a little too much) of how they look, but hey- we did not get the name of the country with some of the most beautiful girls for nothing. and many foreign friends, or romanian friends that left abroad told me that they miss romanian girls- because they take care of their aspect, and they are feminine. a thing forgotten in europe. so no, i do not want guys to shake my hand, i want them to kiss my hand, but that is a gesture that is forbidden in public… so this could be another reason. and to my opinion, sexism is the last thing any country needs.
The gesture is not forbidden in public or anywhere..
It’s just that men make fun of men if they kiss hands 😀
according to the well manners code, kissing a woman hand is a gesture that has to be done in privacy, not in public. the only ones who make fun of this gesture are stupid teenagers. a real man will never be embarrassed by such a nice gesture!
Totally agree with Dora. We like women and we do respect them, but not in the same way we respect a man. It’s different. We don’t shake hands to women, but we hug them, … and we kiss them. We have far more respect for women than the British do. We still have some romanticism there and we don’t seem to give it up because Romanian women respond to it … and it really works. British men should try that. Of course, the relationship between women and men varies from city to countryside, but the essence stays the same. I live now in a city but I’ve grown up in the countryside. Things are not perfect, but is still better than western Europe.
you of course do realize that : a)these gestures you speak of are just for show and mostly done simply because it’s how men were told they need to act in order to be perceived as “gentlemen” and b)the gestures in themselves are proof of sexism. Opening the door, helping with meager tasks, giving the seat and all those things have their roots in a past where it was believed women were by default weaker than men ,when men were the only providers and women some sort of fragile, fun commodity that was important because she did the housework and bore children then raised them.
I live in Bucharest and the gap between men and women is severe in terms of how they are largely perceived and treated. The media and all the messages sent by society as whole are pretty sexist. Tabloids exist everywhere but the objectification of women in our media is not only the “main course” but it has nothing to counterbalance it. There is very little talk of women’s achievements and intellectual qualities. Most women you hear of in Romania are “famous” for who they sleep with, how naked and busty they are and so on. Their worth is based in looks and if you would frequent general purpose forums where absolutely normal, adjusted members of society exchange opinions on various issues including relationships and sex, you would see just how much emphasis is put into a woman’s looks over everything else and how much disregard there is for her in every other aspect.
Not to mention that in a country where ethnically speaking, women have far more attractive features than men(honestly, the men in Romania are on average the least attractive from all the countries I’ve visited), you commonly see very made up, over average women with men who give almost zero thought to how they look. But of course, the average late 20s beer gut holder who looks like he hasn’t washed his hair in 2 days feels very macho and entitled to be extremely critical of every woman and all their little imperfections.
Oh and I hate that men tend to not shake your hand as a woman just as much as I hate that most women I met had a very weak, submissive handshake that makes me, a woman like them, feel uncomfortable and awkward.
@ ada: a) that is the way i think guys should act, and i despise the fact that everyone is so hung up in this “vintage fever” but no one thinks to learn more from our grandparents beside fashion, which is sad; b) women ARE “by default weaker than men”- unless you are a bodybuilder. and smart people know their limitations. you don’t have to over compensate, and demanding to be treated nice, is not sexism. and that is okey- women and men are different in order to compensate each other: we are mentally stronger and guys physically. and your example “because she did the housework and bore children then raised them” support this. do you have any idea how much patience you need not to kill a 4 year old who asks “why?” after every word you say?
i am a career girl, but i am a woman first of all, and i will always demand to be treated accordingly, and i will never allow any man to greet me with a handshake. handshakes are for business decisions, or for meeting someone. my very close friends, can kiss my chick, but the rest- a smile is enough. and about girls who have a week handshake- i met guy like this too: this speaks about one’s personality, not his gender.
at the end- the girls that are promoted at us, is not a cultural thing, is called mass media manipulation, and is happening everywhere- here, in france, is “in fashion” to be hipster, and everyone is trying to be one. which i find just as disturbing and disgusting as the romanian women who “are “famous” for who they sleep with, how naked and busty they are and so on”. is sad, but that is happening everywhere.
let’s be real. women are discriminated in Romania. if anyone says otherwise, he/she is a damn liar.
i’ve never been discriminated in romania, but i certainly feel disrespected in france. but well… i can blame the low grades on discrimination if i would want- it would definitely be more comfortable than admitting that i didn’t feel like studying for a certain exam.
So, Dora…you are a career woman and want to be respected but at the end of the day you still want to be treated as a woman ,so as the weaker one?
If strength was about bodybuilding, 2% of men and women would be the only strong people on this planet.
Often when men treat women differently than they treat men, they treat them so because society has nurtured the idea in their minds, on a very subtle, deep level, that a man is his equal while a woman is under him in ability and thus she needs to be treated the same way one would treat a really old person or a child.
I’d honestly rather live in a world where a man can confidently and respectfully shake my hand on equal footing, without feeling like my intelligence and strength are a threat to his narrow idea of masculinity or that it makes me any less of a woman. Men shake hands out of respect as well, pacts, alliances, trades have been made official throughout history by shaking hands.
But, about sexism, I can’t believe u don’t mind or observe the way men turn around to look after women on the street in very obnoxious ways, call after them, shout “compliments” (these compliments are in fact a form of harassment, they’re not cute, u don’t see women do it). Our men are on average not as well kept but they demand far more and are much more insecure. Plus, you must not have heard the way men talk about women when there are no women around or when the women around are just part of the gang.
i know the way men speak about women, i know how they look or shout at them in the street.. but i also know that those are not real men. no men that RESPECTS HIMSELF would do that! ever! and is exactly the same outside romania. minus opening the door and giving you the seat in the bus. and if you think a guy opening the door for you means he’s treating you as an old person or a child… let’s say we have a very different points of view.
i am strong as a character, but it will be much harder for me to carry the 6l bottle of water then it is for my boyfriend. the same- him giving me the sit, means he acknowledges my physical strength is less than his. it means i am more fragile than him. just that. not that i am less capable of reaching for my goals or dreams. being treated as a woman does not mean you are treated as a weaker one, and if you make this confusion, it means you haven’t met a man to show you how a real woman must be treated like. i really cannot believe a woman would not like being “spoiled” and a little “pampered” with care by the people that surround her.
but seeing the way you think, i guess you would like it here where people think opening the door is a sing of disrespect towards the equality between the two people- even if you are carrying 3 bags of groceries. i don’t like it, and i see it as a bad education and bad intention- kinda like a jungle: the strong one survives.
It has nothing to do with sexism!!! In Romania shaking a woman’s hand is considered rude, and diminishing to the woman… unlike in many European countries, a woman knows how to be a woman, they are delicate, and feminine … if she is a close friend you’ll give a kiss on the cheek if not you will salute respectfully, the only occasion that is considered to be appropriate fore shaking a woman’s hand is when you just met her, someone’s making the introductions and you’re exchanging names, and is some situations if you insist in shaking a woman’s hand she might leave you reaching like an imbecile…
Why would you need a guy to open doors for you or give you their seat in the bus? No guy has ever given his seat for me and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
…..where this stupid remark is coming from? in the old Romanian belief the men used to kiss our hands in a very polite and elegant manner….that was the era of respect for each other……..these days men like you, no doubt are coming from a jungle somewhere, so please stop promoting your stupid, ignorant opinion
Mr Bird, I’m 50, from the city of Iasi (second city in Romania) and I liked your article. A very balanced opinion based on the idea that there are no “good nations” or “bad nations”. The problem is that after 1990 us Romanians still search for our identity. Unfortunately in Romania the American “culture” is copied, by all means. No positive European influence on Romanians, as I can see… Only the bad American stuff has been adopted here. But as I can see on the internet youngsters, little by little, are trying to throw away that moronic cosmopolitism and return to their native national values. Let s hope for the better. Greetings from Romania!
second city? really?
Al 2-lea, da. Cum vii din Ucraina. Primul e Botosani. Apoi e iasul.
It has replaced Bucharest’s “status” for a short while so yes, it can be considered as stated:)
The first one is Cluj, isn’t it? :))
of course cluj is the first one ;)))
Bey, the Banat is the fruncea.
Radu, thank you; you are so right. I came back to Romania after the revolution and I was shocked by the fast way Romanians copied the “bad America” only. I hope and pray for this generation to wake up and remember our old good values, respect, education, love and forget the American way, a society of money, weapons and drugs. There are some values still in America; they are for you to discover and embrace. Romanians are people with great potential, I believe in you guys!
first of all second city Iasi???????? really??? I mean that just hilarious to think that.
And second bad Americans??????? I live in the states and I did not see people tell Romanians to be bad. Everybody decides for himself how he wants to be and that dosen’t matter what nationality you are. I lived in Germany and I know a lot of Romanian that are honest workers and work all day to help their families in Romania and there are some that go there and start to steel or do other criminal things but so are germans, hungarian, americans etc
you can not blame this on on a different culture!!!!!!
Do they really know where Romania is :)?
well Bonnie if you would look at my name it says proud to be from CLUJ!!!!!!!!!!!! which also means that I am Romanian. Asaca da stiu unde ii Romania
iasi second city in Romania? what are you smoking?
second city? really? u dream
At least until year 2009 Iasi City was the 2nd city in Romania in terms number of no. of inhabitants – Now the debate is between Iasi and Timisoara.
http://stirile.rol.ro/iasi-sau-timisoara-care-este-cel-de-al-doilea-mare-oras-din-romania-dupa-bucuresti-726953.html
This dialogue is so Romanian… It shows exactly the way we are behaving when disagreeing…. Funny anyway to observe, but who would care about what’s the second city in UK?
A guy above stated that “Romanians males kiss on their cheeks when they meet” (???). Whaaat? Sorry – but this happens maybe in his family, it is not a Romanian habit whatsoever. Its a French habit. Guys in Romania just shake hands.
I have a romanian guy friend that likes to kiss everyone on their cheeks. It’s a little bit akward, at least for me.
Regarding kissing men on the cheeks.
this is weird- i am romanian and i moved to french and i have never seen as many guys kissing as here…. and as in italy (too). in romania, only the older people (men) kiss each other. the ones under 40-35 don’t do it anymore. is considered a comunist habit and personally… i think is… a little gay 😀
My thought also 🙂
it’s a sign of respect and they only do it when they haven’t seen eachother for a while! 3 times like the mobsters! 😀
Not really Radu , If you are from a small town and you haven’t seen your friends for a long time mostly all of the times yes we do kiss on the cheeks , I repeat- true friends as a Happy to see you kind a thing
Heya. Interesting and fair article. But regarding the why don’t Romanian men venture into physical contact with the women in a room when greeting, it is because in Romanian culture touching is a no – no, apart from the handshake, which is usually done between men only, but i have seen it between men and women, but only when the two know eachother very well. I don’t know if you’ve noticed it while being here, but Romanians don’t touch when engaging conversation. Also if they do by accident, a quick “sorry” is emitted.
I don’t know about feminism, i might be one of those Romanians who hate feminism, but we do need a lot less sexism towards women, which is present everywhere, even in some women, which i always found disturbing.
well, it seems i wrote the same thing you did, in other words before seeing your comment. but i am glad to see i am not the only one who thinks like this 🙂
I dont agree with handshaking between opposite sexes being done only when familiarity is in place. In fact, is an unusual and formal gesture, and indeed Romanian males are sexists as they dont handshake women in general. I sometime did it to some Romanian males, and i noticed their surprise. But again, it’s also true that Romanians males are using a handshake as an informal friendly gesture when meeting. Here again, i did shake the hand of some who jumped at kissing cheeks and instead of allowing that, i preferred shaking their hand as a gesture of.. we re not that close to be kissing cheeks! The article wasnt implying that more physical touch should be between men and women, but that an equal FORMAL physical gesture should be used equally between opposite sexes.
I know that according to the romanian good manners code, to shake a woman’s hand is allowed for a male only if the action is initiated by the woman.
I think the women are hesitating to initiate such an action because, according to the romanian old good manners code, the response for such a gesture is to kiss the woman’s hand.
Olivia, I quote you ” indeed Romanian males are sexists as they dont handshake women in general”…….is Romania becoming a Muslim country? since when? I just visited Romania and the old gesture to shake hands with anyone, no matter man or woman is still there, as it has been at least for a century ……you young generation are in total confusion……do not say total derail……..sad, very sad
What? who doesn’t kiss all the women on the cheeks when entering a room? who?
Reblogged this on Karma's little spanker.
I think the shaking hands thing we tend to see it more like rude when it happens between a man and a woman it feels pretty much disrespectful because shaking hands “it’s a guys thing”…u know what i mean.. But men do say hello and smile/make eye contact with the ladies in the room. This is the way we greet in Romania. Man and women shake hands when they are proper introduced to each other. But for any other situation..we leave hands shaking for the men and a nice greeting and a smile for the ladies 🙂
As in regards to the whole article…i couldn’t agree more!!! Well done! More people like you should be speaking out!
Sara and others through their comments make a good point. I just want to add one thing. When men and women are more familiar, they kiss on the cheeks, otherwise they keep their personal space and respect through an eye contact, smile and even a small bow. This is a cultural thing and I believe it starts when we are young. Teen boys shake hands when they meet, but they kiss the girls on the cheeks, even when they are introduced first. 🙂
Still about the hands shaking – seems to have created quite a stir 🙂 .
So here’s my opinion: older generations – like my father for ex, still kiss the hand of a woman when meeting her. New generation considers that obsolete and stopped doing that, but they haven’t yet found something to replace it with… Makes sense?
I was always told, as a growing man, to wait for a woman to give your hand for a shake. I should not initiate any handshake eith her. The same about the hugs. The woman should initiate everything and she is the one to establish all the terms of the contact
Well, I recognise my own impressions in most of these likes/dislikes arguments, however I have to say that my feelings about the romanian optimism is rather pessimist…
Most of the romanian I talked with are really resigned about their society, considering that no matter what they’ll do, corruption is overwhelming and politician are strictly selfdriven. Most of the time the “solution” is to leave the country and seek for a better place somewhere else, with few willing to come back later…
I’m pretty sure my point of view is biased (firstly because I mostly know high educated romanian that have the opportunity to find a good position elsewhere), but still, I have a strong feeling that the romanian people struggle to mobilize themselve against their “representatives” (speaking of Iasi, the cutting down of the trees in the city centre is striking. Every body I know is angry, but the demonstration gathered less than 200 people…).
Still, I have some hope since the Rosia Montana demonstration, that the people will finaly take the power in Romania, especially as I see this country as a land of huge opportunities (and I really love its people) !
Oh, and I couldn’t agree more about the sexism in Romani, it was striking during my first trip there !
I don’t think the kissing is really part of it, more likely cultural, but the behaviour of men in the streets is rather shocking…
“Mr. Bird” :))..Sorry it’s kinda’ funny.. Anywho: first of all you have to go and observe more cities,because Bucharest it’s not really the culture center of the country and you can’t make an idea about a nation in one region. Second : Im 21 yrs old, my friends and I are kissed by the girls when we meet with them or by accident see them. It is not sexism,it’s about the situation of the relationship with people. And The Guardian and The Daily Mail are kinda’ right,you can see that by just traveling and talking to people.
And the next generation,that wich is in highschool, is being americanized by the pop culture this days, so a lot of thing that you Sir learned are going to change by the time this generation has babies. And you are right Romanian people are great and they suck. 😀
From what I read the likes aren’t really likes. Or better said, you like the romanians when they are a bit stupid and dislike them when they are smart. Not at every point of your presentation, but on most of them.
The fact is that indeed romanians don’t know how to work in a team. Everyone wants to be better than the others, to be observed so the team goes down the drain.
90% of over 40 romanians have a good education (in terms of behaving in society). 90% of younger romanians received the new society treatment where, if you are well behaved you get trampeld by the others. We don’t like it but most of us try to adapt to that reality.
From my education (which was made from 1971 to 1980 (it’s called 7 years from home – we didn’t have colleges in comunism)) you don’t kiss the hand of a lady when you first met her. You can shake her hand (gently) only if she reaches her hand to you. Same with persons older than you or in higher position in society.
I do my best not to kiss men on cheeks but it’s an enherited habit from orientals (you know turks and greeks (yes they are orientals too)). So most of my male relatives in the contryside tend to think that I am upset on them. “Why isn’t he kiss me ?! Did I did something wrong ?”
Our history is our history and at least me, I’m not ashamed of it. I don’t want to be an englishmen or an american. I want to be romanian and make my country a place in which my son will be proud to live. Maybe I’m a minority …..For now.
Hello Calin….bravooooooo
I hope that is already a new wind taken Romanians in the right directions….do not be English, not German, not American…..return to the valuable Romanian roots; I hope the new generation will reach this wisdom in their young years…….
Calin Ungureanu – cum adica in comunism nu erau licee?? Wtf?
Erau si sunt licee si universitati in Romania de mai bine de 100 de ani, dar nu la plaja.
I am so offended by all but 2 points you make that I would like to beat these misconceived, western, bullshit opinions out of you with a rubber dildo. A giant one at that… 🙂
very nice
good manners: women had to offer their hands , even a man is the new comer
At least until year 2009 Iasi City was the 2nd city in Romania in terms number of no. of inhabitants – Now the debate is between Iasi and Timisoara.
http://stirile.rol.ro/iasi-sau-timisoara-care-este-cel-de-al-doilea-mare-oras-din-romania-dupa-bucuresti-726953.html
you can describe iasi as the biggest city in the est part of the country, or specify that you are talking about the population number, otherwise… we, the people from ardeal, won’t like it 😀 nothing personal- my sweet grandma is from moldavia, bul cluj will always be the best for me 🙂
Population (2011 census) Cluj 324,576 , Iasi 290,422 .
Stii ce, frate???? Nu ne pasa deloc, da’ deloc, in Bucuresti, cine e pe locul 1, 5 sau 15. Nu ne pasa nici de cluj, pt simplul fapt xa nu are legatura cu noi. Nici de iasi. Deloc, deloc.
Aceasta discutie cu contre intre locul 2 si 3 dovedeste limitarea ta totala si capsomana. Lasa-l frate sa zica 2, macar cultural vorbind are dreptate, universitatea de acolo are mare traditie si se face carte la Iasi, nu gluma. La Cluj,nu prea, sunt la a treia angajata clujeanca data afara pt proaste performante. Nicio moldoveanca nu a patit asta, toate sunt extrem de capabile, instruite si muncitoare. Vorbim de studii superioare, nu de vanzatori de covrigi. Asa ca, mai usor!
I found the article interesting and mostly accurate of how we are seen by outsiders. Its true that the shaking of hands between guys only, has given me personally some trouble after coming back from a country where handshakes were the norm. I had quite a few awkward moments when I held out my hand and my friends were giving me very weird looks. It took me a while to get back to being a Romanian woman that kisses cheeks but doesn’t shake hands. Otherwise I guess its more about a certain respect that was ingrained rather then an expression of manhood. Though a few things are true, Romanian guys are very sensitive about appearing weak and Romanian women are very sensitive about being treated as one of the guys. We tend to believe in feminism but if a guy doesn’t open the door for us we are extremely offended. I think all of us are very sensitive about our personal space and do not accept a strangers touch unless its an introductory handshake. Men are very aware of that and would not like to be seen as pushy. As for men kissing, it depends who it is. I have a very big group of friends in which everyone kisses twice on the cheeks, when 20 of us meet it can take quite a while for all of us to say hi :))) but we wouldn’t give it up for anything, its an expression of our closeness as a group.
100% accurate. and I’m Romanian.
I am glad there is still a clear difference between men and women here in Romania. I am disgusted with the spread of homosexuality and lesbianism in the so-called “civilized” nations of Europe. O how I feel pity for those children who will be brought up by homosexuals and lesbians. I cannot imagine something more demonic than that.
Please go to sleep. There is nothing demonic with homosexuality. If there is something wrong, it’s you judging other people by how they choose to live their lives.
It’s been proved that they don’t choose to be gay. They are born like that.
cand esti inauntrul spurcaciunii, n-ai cum sa-ti dai seama cat de spurcat esti. “cine-i intinat sa se intineze si mai departe, cine-i sfant sa se sfinteasca si mai departe” cam asa se sfarseste apocalipsa, si apoi urmeaza judecata
Very true. Thank you for saying that. I can say that being gay isn’t a choice but still, good comment.
Seriously, Andrei. Thanks.
it’s not sexism. “behind every powerfull man there is an even more powerfull woman”. smart girls rule the world from the shadows of their men. how come you smart men haven’t figured that one out yet?
Well, Diana, that’s the point.
If women have to rule the world from the shadows of their men, this is mostly because they can’t rule it in the bright light due to the world’s sexism –> I.e. men that can’t stand to be ruled by women…
I see very few women in romanian politics (there are some, but still very few), and I can’t imagine a women replacin Basescu nor Ponta in the next years…
This plus the regular girls “bumping” when they cross the streets, the disrespectful comments, the wide occupation of public space by group of men that stare loooongly and intenstively at walking women, and how comes that only men are playing chess in the streets ? In my wife’s neighbourhood, it just can’t cross any men NOR WOMEN that girls can play chess too…
These are just some example of what shocked me in my western (and most certainly biased) perspective. I’d like to work in romania for a while to see this in an office framework…
Agree with your first point.
However, the disrespectful comments and men staring at walking at women happen everywhere, it’s not a Romanian thing.
I think women don’t play chess in parks mainly because they don’t enjoy this kind of activity that much (meeting with friends and spending hours playing chess). It’s like seeing only guys playing football on pitches and concluding that people in that society are sexist.
Girls don’t like this kind of activity ? seriously ? It’s just a matter of education…
Little girls loved to play footbal in my neighbourhood btw…
anyway sexism in chess is common, not only in romania, but still…
Well fuck me! Notice how we argue who’s the best? Who lives in the best city, what city is the second, how people say perfectly valid stuff and other don’t even consider. Fuckin’ monkeys! Where are you going to include this sad part of the story?
We have a saying: “Awesome country; shame it’s populated”. I couldn’t agree more with that. I came to realize few days ago that the only problem with this country is the population. The fact that kids skip classes because one beer in the pub is better than math, parents leaved this country to work outside thus their children are morons, the elderly are so dumb sometimes that I feel like killing myself. And I think that’s because instead of embracing democracy, we embraced the though that the government must give us. While we do nothing, if possible. Politicians win election based on who gives the most amount of products to the population. And the population totally agrees with that. I quote “if he gives to us, we’ll vote for him. If the other one doesn’t give to us, we won’t”. Educations plays a huge role.
Teenagers are studying faculties that nobody cares about(marketing, journalism, law) and after they finish it, they go for a Master’s Degree in the same shitty domain(why the fuck not?!). After they finish it, they ask themselves “why there are no jobs for me?! I have a master’s degree in marketing and I can’t get employed anywhere”. Well, you dumb fuck, you spent 5 years and tons of your parent’s money for learning nothing, clubbing and fucking, and you haven’t stopped for one second to realize that you’ll be unemployed! How is that for an economist?
Ask one of these unemployed youngsters to re-qualify, to seek for another domain, one with plenty of job opportunities. They’ll say “Fuck nooo! I have a Master’s Degree in Journalism! Leave this for being a locksmith?!”. Pride. Everybody here has pride. TOO MUCH OF IT!
The most fucked up thing in this country is that nobody knows his place in society, while everybody wants to be something he’s not. But not by hard work.
Well, I’d say that if there’s no job for either journalist or lawyers, then the country is in a deeplyb fucked up situation…
Although, I share your point of view about the political awareness…It’s a real issue for any real democracy to emerge, and it should start during highschool and mature during university. Funny how the major student demonstration against corruption at Iasi’s university was organised by…french students in a foreign exchange programme !
That speaks volumes.
@anon
Anyone bringing to discussion the vicious “saying” “Awesome country; shame it’s populated” should begin a change himself by leaving or killing himself. There are a lot of things to criticize or even to hate but you seem to like NOTHING about romanians, and write a long idiotic comment about it. You need a psychiatric evaluation, badly, the problem is with yourself.
“Awesome country, shame it’s populated” really made me laugh. And the pride…
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I was raised by a feminist woman in Romania. I grew up to be a (woman) engineer thinking I could do anything. I learned by example that I could do anything and standing up for myself wasn’t an option, it was a priority. I know for a fact that my mom is not a rarity. As everywhere else, it depends on where you are and who you meet. I’m sure there are towns in the UK and I know there are places in the US where sexism is more alive than ever. Progress is not homogeneous… it takes time, generations, children learn by example and they need examples they can believe in…
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Asa cum vedeti asa este,acum este timpul sa zica Da ,schimbarii starii de confuzie si letargie si sa-si vina in fire sa -L urmeze pe Iisus asa cum trebuie din Dragoste indiferent de circumstante!
Reblogged this on ale măriucă.
When they make fun of the brits, who are they referring to the English? My mother was from Scotland and she would argue with you and forget about it the next day like the Romanians and the Italians do the same. I am half Scottish and Italian and like being true with my feelings, forgetting about a fight and being ambicious. lol yeah Romania, im listening, tell me more……………
Wow.. Is that true ? I was thinking of having a Romanian GF sometime.
I wonder if the Romanian girl would behave like ”Don’t Likes” mentioned here.
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Maybe Romania doesn’t need, feminism, traffic lights and elections. I think you’ve seen a model that you think it works and you might think everyone needs it. I like the brits, but I don’t like that they go all over the world and impose their views like is the only way it can be.
There is an obsession with the expression “Romanian males are sexists”. What the heck means this? It is to be said “Lots of Romanian males are rude and have no manner whatsoever”. Apart them I guess there are a few milion guys that do respect women in my country.
Respect and sexism are not antagonists….You can be sexist AND respect women…
“You can be sexist AND respect women…”
This is so accurate, really.
Need a reason for opening a door for a woman, and let her pass first? they make humans- never heard for a man to give birth- so we exist because of them, it’s just a form of respect!!!
Well, men are involved in the making process at some point right ?
Women can open doors for themselves. I’ve held doors open for other people before and I’ve let them pass before me, men and women alike. There’s nothing wrong with respect, but respect should be given equally to human beings because we are, well, human beings, not because we are women or men.
Unfortunately, only the romanians read this kind of articles!
But after I read a big part of the comments…. don’t give me a lighter!
“Sick” – You want to know why romanian people are asking you why are you sick… it’s because they care !
“Sexist” – I could not disagree more. Yes we make many sex jokes, men and women like to say such jokes. We don’t say in our minds, “whore” or “tramp” when we meet a lady.
We are Latin, sex is private and excellent
“Deadline” – yes , romanian people don’t work too good with deadlines but we sure work harder than most other people if we love the goal of our job
Hi Dora. I partly agree with your point of view, it’s nice to be pampered and all, but this is only on an intimate level. Also egality is good, and everyone should do things as they can and feel. It does not mean that if you are a woman you will absolutely be less stronger than any man around you, you will always find a guy who’s not able to change a light bulb or put a screw in a wall and women that are perfectly capable. So everything is really subjective.
I m just sorry to hear that you feel disrespected in France and that you say the “egalitary spirit” here is bad. I’ve been living in France for three years now and I can tell you that French are as all people: the degree of respect and common sense they show depends on their background and education. Anyway, my first impression coming here was a positive one: I was alone and carrying two huge suuitcases on the metro stairs and I got offered help from both men and women. You will also have guys who politely stop you on the street to tell you how impressed they are by your beauty (and often wanting nothing else) as well as guy who will shout at you that you’re “bonne” and then call you slut when you don’t respond. So it’s the same as at home, in Romania. The only difference I see is that efforts are done from early age so people treat everyone as their equal and that everyone is working hard to put women on the same step with men in every aspect of life, be it social, politic or economic. I wish it was the case in Romania.
I think this is a brilliant commentary. I have encounter all the typologies described here. It made me laugh. There’s something that I call ironic tenderness coming through…I like that! Thank you!
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Never go shopping with a Romanian woman ~ If you are a man .
That operation takes forever ~ That’s not good is the first statement
and then she opens the packet of butter/unt or two and smells it .
These 3 packs of butter have been sniffed by how many nose’s
That’s the food end sorted ~ Go to an electricial store to buy a fridge
and now ~ It’s bizzare ~ I have to ring my mother about this fridge and then it goes crazy ~ If it’s made in Romania it’s shite .
The Romanian fridge is actually made in Hungaria and the German one that Mamma likes is made in the same factory ~ with a different name tag ~ 250 Euro’s difference in price .
So I stapled me credit card to my spine and said to the love of my life
remove it without any pain .
She called her brother and her mother .
Sleeping is still uncomfortable ~ three weeks later but skin around the card is hardening slowly .
The fridge is stuck in Crimea ~ Some kind of a blockade there so it might have been made in Russia .
That will freak her mother out for sure !
this freaked me out and im american and scottish and italian. lol
Good to read all the comments and to compare myself with it, but I do wonder because I am not in Romania, how does one react there to any complicated situations? I am wondering about this because of my own experiences as I am one to panic, I think, if complicated, but it seems I am managing better for now, but it depends I expect and wonder if people get emotional or what and how does it seem the majority there copes? sincerely, Bianca.
It depends on the person.
Romanian people are always positive? Where have they been the 3 years that I live in Romania? I’m not trying to be offensive but maybe it depends on the city…..
I do not mean to be offensive, but tell me one thing please……WHY do Romanian men almost start singing in high pitch when they are amongst a group of 2-3 guys and get they excited in a conversation?! I am sure they are all not Gay! it is ridiculously funny and embarrassing too! I believe they are not aware that they are doing it and it is cultural, but all the other colleagues here (UK) look at them like they are a bunch of drama queens!
I’m planning a trip to Romania. I really wish someone could give me feedback about going. What was their experience. I would greatly appreciate it! Thank you!
What do you want to see? Romania has a little bit of everything…
read what i write on my comm and u will know what u have 2 do there. it’s a beautiful country, but choose 2 stay around just with GOOD romanians. don’t keep cash in your pocket , don’t take expensive things with u (cell phones from last generations , big jewelry, don’t go night with ”friendly” people, don’t talk 2 much when it’s full there. main your business and enjoy your holidays. if u take my advice, u will make another trip in romania and in time u will know how 2 choose romanians. cheers
” Why is it that when Romanian men walk into a crowded room, they shake all the hands of the other men, but avoid physical contact with the women? ”
Because this is our public etiquette. Women do not shake hands with men, it’s rude to do that. Man kiss the hand of a woman or kiss her cheek or he just salute her, but do not shake hands with her. A man shake hand with a woman only if they do business, signed a contract etc.
shaking hands with a woman is not a common greeting, is rude to offer her your hand for shaking. If you are familiar with her, if you are friend with her you can kiss her on her cheek, if she’s an elder woman is more courteous to kiss her hand or just say “hello” and not do anything.
lol, i will tell u how romanians they are in few words :
u can trust a romanian citizen when u learn how 2 choose good romanians from the rest. the percent it’s 10 % for first citizens. they r nice (we ’cause i’m romanian 2) but few, not even half or near half of citizen. yup, the small percent from the rest r nice 2, but just 4 the first impression, ’cause every time they have a reason 2 b ”nice with u” and the reason is money. they will try every time 2 make money in the easy way if they can. so, pickpockets r less then ”nice” people( and it’s easy 2 recognize them) who see in u a future profit. romanian steal from the jobs. romanians try 2 go home early then program of work it’s finish. in romania if u r stranger they will try 2 steal u ”legal”. u can pay more 4 taxi or depends what u need. romanians r gossipers and full of envy. romanians will answer the phone 4 enemies but just 4 fuck his/her mother, or 4 say how many friend will bring 2 beat him/her….romanians r 2 fake and try 2 import all holidays from outside, because they want 2 make others country think good about us and maybe they help us 2 get free US access. romanians r sly.
BUT NOT ALL WE R FAKE ROMANIANS AND IT’S NOT OK 2THINK ALL WE R THE SAME !!! WE, THE SMALL PERCENT, HAVE RIGHTS AND WE DESERVE THE OTHERS PEOPLE RESPECT 4 WHAT WE R, ESPECIALLY ‘CAUSE U KNOW HOW MOST ROMANIANS THEY R !!! SO, PLEASE, BE PRUDENT WHEN U HEAR ABOUT ROMANIANS, BUT TEST US, NOT AVOID US !!!
and yes, romanians r poor ’cause they have bad politicians all the times who steal from us and because they don’t have patience 2 make money in time. almost all they wanna b rich over the night. cheers and sorry for my english,
sign :a ROMANIAN GUY WHO TRY 2 MAKE HIS LIFE MORE BETTER OUTSIDE AND WHO WANT 2 FORGET HIS COUNTRY ’cause in romania i almost starving because i didn’t choose the wrong way !!!
About the sexism, yes it’s true. But only in the rows of old generations. Now you can find women everywhere in charge and find it easy to find a job. No one’s discriminating them no more. Now it doesn’t matter no more what gender you are as long as you are competent. And speaking about the women in terms of family, we all know who is the boss. (the woman)
I suppose you don’t realise how your last sentence sound sexist in a feminist perspective…
Thank you Mr Michael for your input.
Wow. How do we expect to change the perception about Romanians if we make comments like that? I have seen some good points in some comments but we are still limited. This a one man view and his article is well written based on his opinion and interaction. Judging will not help us change anything. Swearing either. High ego and pride even less. I don’t live in Romania anymore but was there for 21 years and I come back constantly and there is no one to blame for how foreigners view us but us. We have a beautiful country (every city has its appeal in its own way). Ranking ourselves or trying to show one is better then other show nothing but ego. Why not recognize the beauty in everything? Why not come together and make the country a better place? Why not come together and educate the young, help each other, stop judging (did I see a comment about sexuality? the article says nothing about that), stop bullying, culture ourselves and hold ourselves to a higher standard? Why can’t a man open a door for a woman, offer her the seat but also shake her hand if that’s what she wants and treat her equally? Why do we talk about physical ability as a differentiator? Why do we have to base the way we treat each other based or our way of behaving on some labels or physical or non physical differences? Lets be honest, how many people have read the code of conduct? And if you decide to read it you will notice there is a different one for each country, culture and region. Most of these rules have been heard through word of mouth and everyone has their own interpretation of it. Who makes all these rules? Shouldn’t respect, appreciation, kindness be at the core at our actions? Romanians are not the only ones who kiss on the cheek or are sexist (and yes Romania has sexist people in it) but when was the last time you have seen a positive documentary about Romania? When was the last time we have seen Romanians portrayed positively in the news? Can we blame anyone for that? No, everyone is responsible for their own actions. Why use blame at all? No one controls you, or tells you what to do, no one lives your life but you. So why not take control of our behavior, actions, values and realize no government, person, not even society are responsible for what we do, how we do it and who we are. The world is full or well behaved people and less well behaved ones, full of sexist people and non sexist people, full of rude and kind people, full or smart and less smart people, the only problem I see is that Romania stands out for the negative traits more often then not and the positive ones are very limited, very little or fade in comparison. It is not the Western culture, or Asian culture, or other cultures that influenced the Romanian one in a negative way. It is the way it was adapted, the way it was perceived and most of all the way it was used. I have traveled a lot all over the world and have seen good and bad in all these cultures but the world is a beautiful place with a lot of beautiful people so why not aspire to be like that instead of being pity, angry, judgmental, sexist, racist and so on? Why can’t we replace all of the above with kindness, love, being caring, respectful, appreciative, helpful, compassionate, happy, positive? If the article above seems limited why not show the world a better face of our country and its people? I don’t know everything and work on constantly growing and improving myself and I may be labeled as a hippie or any other word that crosses your mind but the fact remains that the world or even our own country will not change if we, the individuals, don’t make a change withing ourselves. ” Be the change you want to see in the world” right? Lets stop pointing fingers and start making a change today, not tomorrow.
Hello, I agree with a lot that you say, I have sent a similar comment before, but on somewhere else concerning Romanians, but I myself as an individual gets judgement. I am in South Africa. I have recently been told by certain people, that is today, that I was being inconciderate and rude because I looked at a message on my cellphone in a meeting and this irritated me and then I get harrassed by people on cellphone calls as well, so on both sides I am being persecuted, but people just dont seem to understand, even when I try to explain to them. They dont have same situations as I do, not in the same shoes as me. I wonder if other Romanians get this in other countries. People seem to think I am disturbing everyone in a meeting even though I put cellphone on silent as soon as it rings and didnt answer it. I wonder if it is something to do with culture? sincerely, Bianca.
Hi Bianca. I believe you have to asses the situation and do what it is best at that time. Checking your cellphone in a meeting can be seen as unprofessional and disrespectful. I know that it is important to get back to people when they contact you but you also have to give your attention to the speaker and pay attention in meetings. You have to make sure that when you are in a meeting everyone knows and that you will respond to messages or calls afterwards. That way you set the expectation for those who are waiting to hear from you and that way you don’t need to worry about checking your phone in a meeting or being considered disruptive. I do not even look at my phone in a meeting. I am there to learn and participate an make the most of my time so after the meeting I can get back to anyone who may have tried to get a hold of me. If you set clear expectations you will noticed that with time people will not message or call you during meetings and will wait for 30 min or an hour or until you are done. We all have things to do in a day so you are not expected to be on the phone every minute or having to be interrupted when you are busy. Making sure people know when you are available allows you to make your schedule stress free and keep your professional in a meeting. Good luck. I am sure you can figure the best option for you. Email me if you have any other questions.
Salut, thanks so much for your reply and your advice. I think now I have learnt my lesson, but I have to remember each time in a meeting to put my cellphones on silent, but they are silent most of the time, it just happened that my family needed me to sort something out urgently, but as you say, I could wait until afterwards.
I dont want to be a bad example and also because as a born again christian, I should also be a good example to all around me, I dont want to displease God, sincerely, Bianca.
Hello Alexxmaria,
Your commentary is very optimistic and a good voice for change.
I hope I can give you some answers about why Romanians are how they are.
In many cultures and people we see an identity that they have forged for themselves in the fires of history. Almost everyone starts the same but end up differently. In Romania, it is the same. We say that we don’t have an identity but we do, we just don’t want to admit that we do.
I guess our identity is that of pessimism and humbleness. Sure Romanians act all though and strong, but they steel feel humble on the inside. We got to be like this because Romania rarely had any cultural direction of its own to evolve into. This is so because Romania is positioned between the West and the Est. It’s a region of Europe that has always been in an almost constant state of war.
Romania in itself has always been with it’s boarders next to empires actually. And we survived not because of our great teachings or defenses or people even, we survived through humbleness: treat foreigners with respect, work hard and take care of your family, be a good host and learn to be like the powerful neighbors. And so on…
This is very much reflected today.
Anyway, because of this we couldn’t evolve into our own people, we learn to be patient, to wait them out. And as time passed we’ve seen empires crumble, armies dismantle, kingdoms fall, dynasties and regal lines dry up. We waited all of them up, and even after +2000 years we are still here and they are all gone.
Those empires of course, always had a huge role in the selection of leadership, so we never really felt like we were in charge of our own destiny. Our fates were always in other people’s hands.
Because of this, a lot of Romanians passed down this inferiority complex to the next generations and so on.
This is how people form, genetic memory is a proven fact.
To us, freedom is only a momentary achievement or we simply feel like we aren’t free because we all won it, we are free because someone is allowing it. And even then, we don’t feel free.
It will probably take a very long time before these in-born traits can be changed.
People also want good directions when doing something. Everyone wants to do something but few want to be the one in front. People still fear taking responsibility or taking an initiative. This is slowly starting to change though. New generations start to question “Why not?” instead of just “Why?”.
Even freedom has its own steps to take. When the time comes people will start to learn to be better people and a better productive culture. Until then, we will have to keep following the only things we we know how to do.
Hi Rinzler
Your comment has a lot of truth in it but unfortunately I do not see the change or the turn around you are talking about. Tourism in Romania is very poorly done and if you are a foreigner without any local help or knowledge, you end up being overcharged or financially abused. Also a lot of the Tourism is not done or owned by Romanians which in turn affects where the money are going and what economy they are sustaining. We used to be a nation who supplied Europe with a lot of things and now look where we are. Yes, we have been through a lot and communism had a huge impact on the country but the country is made by its people. What are the people doing? Look at how we portray ourselves in Europe and what imagine other European countries have about us. North America has strict entry rules for Romanians but I can’t blame them. Here Romanians are praised for their work, integrity, intelligence and more. How are Romanians viewed in Europe? Its a shame because we can not blame anyone for the image and the things Europe believes about us. Romanians work hard in other countries, are probably treated poorly, I am sure they are not happy but they still do it. Would they work as hard in Romania? Would they put the efforts and long hours they put in working outside the country? Look at the politics and the state the country is in. People put those in charge and then they just point fingers, complain or whine all the time. Instead of doing that lets take action. Do something about it. Walk the walk not just talk the talk. To be honest, I am disappointed of what I see and haven’t seen a lot of change to make me believe we are on the right path. I want to believe that one day things will be better though. I want to believe that people will stop relying on politics and religion and start taking matter in their own hands. Do something to make the country better. We had so many brilliant minds and I am sure we still do so what is holding us back? I have always thought that maybe one day I can offer my knowledge and assistance but why would I do that if people are not open to it? Why would I come back and put effort, hard work in a country where I would have to fight my way to people and their minds? Change has to come from within and if we are not open to it and we are not ready to realize that what we do, how we are is not working then we can never move forward. My comment above is positive because I want to believe in humanity but my disappointment is real and that is what is keeping me away from Romania. But who knows, maybe one day I will see the new generation making an impact.
Hi, I’m from Romania. This might have already been told already, but in Romania sexism is present but it is in no way done with any bad intentions or superiority complex.
Romanian men are just taught by their parents to be nice people and open doors for ladies, show respect for elders and colleagues and bosses, etc.
To be honest, it’s more of a “do a nice thing just for the sake of doing it.” If a lady just says that she doesn’t want or appreciate it, then the men will respect her wishes and let her do her own thing.
Now, about this, one thing you need to know is that the Romanian women want to be treated equally, but at the same time they want to be treated as ladies as well. They are romantic like that, so naturally a man has to know how to balance this, how to be a gentleman without being sexist. It’s very tempting to be either, but not both.
Now, about the touching, in Romania, touching is the sign of closeness between people, couples touch the most, men don’t like touching for longer than needed, a handshake or in case of close families, a hug and a cheek kiss is enough for them, you’ll never see Romanian men in public, even drunk men, touching for too long. They’d rather risk falling in a ditch than touching another man for too long. If it’s a lady, then it’s a different story.
Romanian girls on the other hand don’t have such a big problem touching each other in public.
Now, in Romania there are unwritten rules about what a man and a woman can do, but you’d be surprised to know that Romanian men will respect a woman that can do what they can. Sure, there may be exceptions, but when she can do it then they feel closer to her because they have another thing in common. If she can do it better, then it’s a bit of an hit on their ego, but they can get past it.